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My anxiety has gotten the best of me lately. I’m dealing with it, but last week was one of those weeks where my single self really wanted to look at another adult and say, “Honey, you deal with this. I have no more patience.” No dice. Instead, I had to suck it up and deal. I am a control freak. On the rare occasion when I plan and things do not go according to plan (which is why I rarely plan), I don’t always handle it with the grace and good manners that I would prefer to share with the world. I recently had to replace both my refrigerator and dishwasher. It seems being an adult and owning a home means these situations will come up on occasion. I dread these situations. I either over research and find myself struggling with decision paralysis or I avoid the situation until I can no longer avoid it. Ex: My dishwasher broke last summer, unable to be fixed, and I just decided I would hand wash dishes until I could bring myself to look into a new one. So I hand washed dishes for eight months. Eight freaking months! My hand was forced when the 20+ year old fridge sprung a leak a few weeks ago. While I’ve got hands that are perfectly capable of washing dishes, a refrigerator is more of a necessity. Fine, universe, I will deal with the appliance situation. I don’t have to like it, though. A few years ago, I was in a big box hardware store pricing out some appliances. I asked for all the fees and such listed out so I could see how much the appliance would actually cost me. By the time you add on the delivery, installation, installation kit, removal fee, etc., the stupid appliance costs several hundred more than the sticker price. I’m not crazy for asking for this information. It’s called good money management. When the reluctant clerk was done giving me the numbers, he asked if I was ready to buy, I said, “Not today.” His reply, “Oh, do you need to go talk to your husband first?” I blinked hard. Several times. Then just said, “No,” and walked away. It was the way he said it. To this day, I grind my teeth when I think of it. On the one hand, I get that a couple should both be on the same page before making a large purchase. On the other, I do not now nor have I ever worn a wedding ring. Nor am I incapable of making such a decision by virtue of my gender. I really dislike purchasing new appliances. Have I mentioned that? It stresses me out in a major way. I just want the whole transaction to go smoothly, but invariably, something always goes wrong. Like last week. My delivery and installation were scheduled well in advance. On the appointed day, the installers show up, measuring tape in hand, and loudly proclaim that they will not be installing the dishwasher. What?! It seems I have installed the floors to close to the dishwasher, and they blamed me for the inconvenience. Really? The dishwasher you are replacing was installed by your company after those floors were put in, not before. It wasn’t a problem for that technician. (I’m already a little bitter because that dishwasher didn’t even last three years with no warranty or recourse.) The snark sent me over the edge. What little compliant nature I have quickly dissolved into a pit of seething frustration. The manager I demanded to speak with was not happy to hear from me, either. If I have paid you for a service, why do you find it rude of me to expect you to deliver that service at the date and time that we agreed upon? If that is expecting more of you than you are capable of or willing to provide, then you are in the wrong business. Expecting me to take additional vacation time to clean up your mistake does not further your cause. Women, especially, end up holding the wrong end of a double-edged sword when it comes to these situations. We are expected to be compliant and ultra forgiving in these situations, and risk being treated like a doormat. Yet, if we assert ourselves and demand the service for which we have paid, the world thinks us bitches and shit. Would a man have been asked if he needed to go home and talk it over with his wife? I don’t think so. Would a man have been snarked at by the installation technicians or the manager about the flooring? I don’t think so. Heads up, world! Anxiety be damned - I am too old to be everyone else’s doormat while my needs are taken for granted. I am happy to pay for a service, but I expect to get what I paid for without unnecessary inconvenience. But I do have my new appliances, fully installed and working at the moment. I guess I will count my blessings where I find them.
Today’s lunch is leftover ground beef with roasted veggies and a side of veggies from the work salad bar that I cooked in the microwave with some seasonings and olive oil I keep handy at my desk.
