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Yeah, it’s June, and I’m just now getting around to writing up a review of my April 2017 Whole 30. It was awesome and eye-opening for me. It always is. I am always surprised at what personal things I take away from my Whole 30 experience that aren’t food related, and I really wanted to write review about what I learned this time. I had even started a draft of it somewhere.
Then life got in the way.
Right at the end of my Whole 30, I got news that my stepsister passed away. It was traumatic and heartbreaking for the entire family. She was close to my age, which has stirred up a lot of stuff for me emotionally.
During the middle of April as part of my Whole 30 experience, I began to realize that I don’t do enough stuff to feed my soul. My sister’s death only reinforced that realization.
I began to realize that I feel overworked, stressed and anxious much of the time. Yet, when I make time for creative things, I feel so much more energized and relaxed. I began to think about ways I need to start feeding my soul. I owe it to myself to invest in things that make me happy.
I love to quilt, but I never seem to finish anything. I certainly don’t spend enough time on it to develop skills so mid-April I went out and bought some books to help with building quilting skills. I’ve even started a project from one of those books. Placemats. They are awful. Really, but I don’t care because I am learning new skills while I make these awful placemats. And because these placemats are truly atrocious, I won’t care if I use them and get them all gross and dirty. Bonus!
I’ve always wanted to write creatively and don’t seem to invest enough time in that either. I have ideas. So. Many. Ideas. I want to spend more time developing those. I bought a book I had been eyeing on creative writing and started doing some of the exercises from the book. It’s a start.
My blog could use some attention, too. I feel like I never have enough time for all the things I want to do, but the reality is that I waste so much time. I would like to become more mindful of the time I spend in ways that doesn’t serve me. I bought a planner to help me dream and plan out specific small goals for each of the areas that I want to develop. It’s only been a couple of weeks, but I feel far more productive than I have in the past. Even small progress is still progress.
As if I needed more grief, I recently found out my stepfather on my mom’s side passed, unrelated to my stepsister who passed in April. I hadn’t seen him in nearly two decades, but I have fond memories of him when I was little. It was hard to get that news. I grieve the most for my younger siblings who just lost their father.
Sometimes I think that God brings us to these difficult days to teach us something. I’ve spent the last 2+ decades living life afraid, and I’m tired of being afraid of living. One of my favorite movies is Hello, Dolly! I typically don’t care for musicals, but the dialogue all through the movie cracks me up. I love the hilarious scene at the Harmonia Gardens, but the scene that touches me the most is when she is in the garden talking to her dead husband and telling him she is doesn’t want the parade to pass her by. I get that. I so get that.
I don’t want the parade to pass me by. It’s time to live, to do things I’ve always wanted to do instead of thinking about them, and let go of the fear.
So I’m going to start doing all those things I’ve wanted to do or try. I’m going to finish those awful placemats, and maybe I’ll even post a photo of them on my blog.
