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I just watched this YouTube video about Leftover Women in China the other day. It makes me very sad that there are still cultures in the world who value women simply for their uterus. We have more body parts than that, including a brain.
Watch the video and tell me what you think. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irfd74z52Cw
According to Chinese culture, I am a leftover woman. I am an unmarried woman over the age of 27 so I am considered leftover, “sheng nu,” and a shame to my family. The pressure placed on these young women in China to marry and produce children is intense. It’s not just their families. The government is also very much involved in shaming these women for not marrying and starting a family. It’s heart-wrenching to watch these women stand up for themselves in a culture that tells them they are worthless for doing so.
Lucky for me, I live in America where women are allowed to make their own life choices and decide for themselves when, or if, they marry. But there is still societal pressure to marry and produce children. I did it backwards. I had the kid first and still haven’t married, but the pressure is still very real.
When I was a bit younger, I used to get asked why I wasn’t married. In my late 20s and early 30s, I used to wonder that myself. My self-esteem plummeted over every dating failure. Every birthday, holiday, family event was a bitter reminder that I was single and viewed as defective by society.
Somewhere in my mid-30s, though, I made a decision to suspend the self-flagellation over my marital status and start doing all the things I wanted to do in my life. I stopped focusing on how others saw me. In particular, I let go of how others saw me as a result of my marital status, and started focusing on what was best for my life and my future.
Here’s what happened in the last 10 years:
I went back to college and finished not one, but two degrees.
I bought my own home.
I ripped all the carpet out of my house and replaced it with laminate floors. I did that with no professional help, just a little help from family here and there. It took me six months, but I did it.
I removed nearly every baseboard in the house and only broke two tiny pieces, one of which I was able to glue back together. I sanded and repainted them all.
I repainted most of the house, including the stairway with the high ceiling. And I’m short. Very short. Turns out, Home Depot sells these really long telescoping poles with attachments for paint brushes and stuff.
I remodeled one of my bathrooms, again no professional help, unless you count YouTube. I still have a few things to fix, but here is what I've done so far.
Light fixture
Paint
Tile
New sink
Toilet – Installing the toilet was the easiest part of the whole project.
I bought the kitchen appliances I wanted (convection oven!!) at a price I could afford. Scratch and dent, baby! It’s the only way to go. No one notices that tiny little dent that saved me $600 off of my convection oven.
I took my health seriously and made significant changes to my diet as a result.
I started a blog and am learning to get comfortable expressing myself. It’s hard, but I am trying.
I’m learning how to cook new things and take photographs that don’t totally suck.
I’ve started taking my creative writing, as well as other creative pursuits, more seriously.
I've learned more about myself in the last 10 years than I ever expected. The biggest lesson I learned is that I am far more capable than I realize. I still have to remind myself of that on occasion, but I look around my house and see reminders every day. Oh, look! There’s that electrical plug I replaced all by myself. And those lights under the microwave, I replaced those when they burnt out.
Are women undesirable simply because we choose to wait for the man who is right for us? Are we somehow deficient because we are single? I’m not expecting perfection. I’m looking for a fit that feels right. I want a guy who gets me, who doesn’t need me to change to be with him, and who appreciates all my weirdness just the way it is. When I find that guy, I want to be able to see the rest of my life with him. Until that happens, I’m willing to wait and enjoy my solitude.
And maybe take on another DIY project or two. Or finish a quilt. Or write a novel. We’ll see.
